Get everybody together, it's FAMILY NIGHT!

A while ago, Wal-Mart and Proctor & Gamble teamed up to start making and broadcasting terrible family films on Fox, ABC, and CBS.  It's called Family Movie Night, and I see the ads every now and then in Wal-Mart sales fliers... what's really great though is to read the descriptions of these terrible movies, and to rejoice in the fact that I will never have children, so I'll never be subjected to having to watch crap like--

oooh, it suddenly occurs to me that SOME PEOPLE here may be facing a future lifetime of crap kiddy movies and family filth just like these.  Man.  That's some tough luck.  BUT here they are, the plots of the movies!  They sound like something you might make up in order to poke fun at TV movies, but they're really, pathetically real.

A Walk in My Shoes:  Ever judge someone just by looking at them? Of course, we’ve all made snap judgments about people. But what if we really got to know them? How would our opinions change? And what if we were forced to become them… how would the shoes fit then? Stressed-out high school teacher Trish Fahey can’t understand her students’ lack of effort and why their parents don’t seem to care. This is especially true of Justin Kremer, a popular, skateboard-loving, basketball star who is underperforming in her class. Trish has him suspended from the team and quickly chalks up the situation as a case of bad parenting. This perspective dramatically changes when Trish meets Molly, a mysterious stranger intent on helping her see things differently. When Trish wrecks her car, Molly is there as Trish wakes to find herself living the life of Cindy Kremer, the woman she has personally judged and criticized. Trish discovers that there is often more to the story and learns a powerful lesson that affects everyone she interacts with. Her husband, her daughter, the ex-Marine next door… No one is left unchanged.

Secrets of the Mountain:  Somewhere between the demands of her career, her ex's wedding and her kids' busy schedules, Dana James (Paige Turco, The Agency) is noticing her tight-knit family starting to unravel. An unexpected offer to purchase her family's mountain property sets up a weekend road trip, which she hopes will bring her family back together. But when they arrive, they quickly learn that the mountain is much more than it seems. An ancient secret and a treacherous quest will test the family like never before. It's an edge-of-the seat thriller that reminds us that when times are tough, families don't run away from problems - they run back to each other.

The Jensen Project:  After a sixteen-year absence, CLAIRE and MATT THOMPSON reunite with The Jensen Project, a secret community of world-class geniuses doing cutting edge research they share anonymously to help the world. With the aid of their teenage son BRODY (15), they find themselves thrust into a suspenseful race to stop a plan that would allow a potentially dangerous technology to fall into the wrong hands. The Jensen Project is a roller-coaster adventure as Matt, Claire and Brody race against the clock following clues, thwarting evil schemes and rediscovering each other in the process. Ultimately, they not only fight to stop the rogue geniuses, but also discover the truth that healthy families are honest with each other.

Change of Plans:  (On the stupidity scale, this one is definitely my favorite.)  Up to this point, Sally Danville's life has played out just as she hoped it would. A beautiful and free-spirited musician, she and her fighter-pilot husband, Jason, live life on the go, free of domestic responsibilities. But with a single phone call from Child & Family Services case worker, Dorothy (Phylicia Rashad, The Cosby Show), she learns that things don't always go according to plan. Sally (Brooke White, American Idol) is met with the news that her best friend from college has died in a tragic accident on a Peace Corps mission and has named Sally the legal guardian of her four kids - 3 of them adopted from third-world countries. Now Sally and Jason (Joe Flanigan, Stargate Atlantis) must quickly learn to parent this instant family and help the kids deal with the culture clash of life in America. The story is both humorous and heartwarming, revealing how fulfilling life can be when you look beyond your own plans and invest in the lives of others.

Truth be Told:  When leading marriage counselor Annie Morgan (Candace Cameron Bure) is offered an opportunity to host a relationship talk show, she jumps at the chance. But fearful that being single might ruin her big break, she conspires with an old college friend and recent widower, Mark Crane (David James Elliott), to pose as a married couple with kids. Their story starts to unravel when Annie and Mark join her eccentric soon-to-be boss (Ronny Cox) for a weekend at his ranch in New Mexico. Comical misunderstandings mark the event as Annie struggles to keep up the ruse, finding herself emotionally invested and conflicted by her own conscience. Will she confess the truth about her marital status and her feelings for Mark... and will the truth set them free?  (Fun fact:  this is the exact same plot of "Christmas in Connecticut, which has itself already been made twice).

Field of Vision:  Not to be confused with Field of Dreams... or maybe they do want you to confuse it with that.  This movie has the distinction of being the movie with the least amount of plot, which required the writers to come up with a complete second plot to cram into the movie as well, in an attempt to make their running time. 


Through mysterious footage captured on an old malfunctioning video camera, Sinclair High School's star quarterback, Tyler McFarland, learns that some of his teammates have been bullying Cory Walker, a troubled new transfer student. Aware that sharing this information with the coach might get his friends kicked off the team and ultimately cost the school the state championship, Tyler must choose what's more important: winning or doing what's right.

As these events unfold, the camera also reveals more surprising footage to Tyler's kid sister Lucy. She learns that Cory has a secret past, unknown even to him. Now Lucy must convince her mom (Faith Ford, Murphy Brown) and family that the camera's revealing insight is not a product of her imagination as she enlists their help to find the answers Cory so desperately needs. It's a compelling and intriguing story that shows both the challenges and rewards of doing the right thing even when it's tough to do.